getting back on track

ever since wed night when we withdrew care on my pt, i've been very doubtful of my nursing skills. is there something i could have done more? after he had died i was bawling like a baby. i was crying in the bathroom and joey called me and i told him what had happened. he asked "did you do anything that made him die?" i said "no" and he said that it wasn't my fault. and that's true. he had been sick for so long. anyway, monday night i had a neuro pt. neuro pts scare me because they can change so fast. he kept complaining of a headache and i called the dr to make sure because headahces are classic signs of increased intracranial pressure. doc said both his head scans were negative. i called him again to make sure 2 hours later and he said the same thing. i had given the pt vicodin and two doses of morphine within 3 hours and his headache still wasn't going away. and then he threw up. and then he felt much better. the rest of the night was pretty unveventful but more headache and i told the doc and he said they were ok with pain because he got whacked in the head. but everything else was normal. he was answering appropriately, moving all extremities, his pupils were reactive. even when the docs came in at 0630 their assessment was the same. and then when i came back last night they said at 0800 he became unarousable. they placed a drain in his head and sure enough there was fluid in his brain that needed to be drained - that was causing the headache. i knew there was something else wrong. so i asked my charge nurse and she asked if i documented everything and i had. we checked the neuro doc's assessment at 0630 and pt was fine at that point - his assessment was the same as mine. i gave report at 0715 and he was ok. so much can happen in that span of time. but it just made me doubt myself. the same doc that was there wed night to pull the vent on my pt had this pt this morning. he was so nice. he asked me how i was doing after that night because he saw me crying like a baby. it was very thoughtful and we kind of tried to figure out how we could have made it easier. he's a first year resident and he's learning well. he said "those 45 minutes are going to be instrumental in my career." me too.