the harvest

i missed the harvest by a couple of hours. it took a long time to crossmatch the blood on the heart - the person receiving had only been on the list for 57 minutes! so it took 6 hours to crossmatch his blood but he got the heart! if not, i would have been able to go down and see an organ harvest - how cool would that have been?

anyway, joey and i went to vegas for valentines day - we got a free room so we were like why not? we ate dinner at the trevi at ceasar's and then we went to the piano bar at harrah's. it was so much fun! alcohol and dueling pianos make for a cool combo! then on thursday we went to lunch with mina and got a couples massage to complete our valentines celebration. i love you bubba!

belated happy chinese new year! we're getting married in the year of the golden pig (or boar) - whatever. yay!

the gift of life

so i know that i want to be a donor - i even had the littl epink dot on my license. everone always says to take it off because they won't try to save you but they will do everything they can to save someone. but to give the gift of life - seriously - a heart, liver, two kidneys, pancreas, and possibly lungs is amazing. i wouldn't donate my corneas nor my skin - that would just freak me out. so to see people donate is really an amazing thing. and i'm back for one more night tonight to begin the process. wish me luck.

to bury a child

it's something that a parent should never have to do ...
i realized last night why i don't work pediatrics or peds icu - it's just too difficult
my pt came in last night - 16 year old kid - hit by a car - intoxicated - the kid was, not the driver and basically came up to me brain dead - his pupils were blown, no reflexes, nothing. he was on a vent to keep him breathing. but basically put, brain dead.
and to see the mother going nuts and the father just silent "at his worst nightmare" was tearing up my heart.
and again i realize why i can't work with kids - their lives are so precious
i just continue to pray for strength for the family, for the boy's soul and for my own strength that i can go back and give comfort to a grieving family.

catharsis

so i guess i've had a lot of built up tension inside about different things and yesterday the tears kept coming - kind of like during my batch. and the bad part was twice it was before work but three times it was at work. and i try to keep my personal life and my work life separate but it was so overwhelming that it just happened. it didn't help that my patient had to get put on a ventilator last night with anesthesia there and her BP was 80/40 for about 2 hours before her cardiac drips started to kick in. i was seriously in my room for 6 straight hours without a break. it was a mess but as joey says - saving lives. anyway, after all of that i was talking to my co-workers about people questioning your beliefs and your standards and it set me off again and i started crying again. and it was hard but very cathartic. and aileen and i went to breakfast this morning and we talked and she put it really simply. God has a plan for all of us and some of us just take different paths. not necessarily bad but different. and she's right. He always knows what's right for us. and I should trust Him and not doubt what I believe in just because the world thinks otherwise.

i hate taxes

i really do - i have to pay BOTH the federal and the state! like they don't take enough out in the first place! and it's not like there's going to be enough left when we retire... boo on them!