is he really leaving?

is Kobe really leaving the Lakers?
for real?
I don't know how to take this ...
the team that supported you durung your whole rape trial?
the team that took a risk for an 18 year old kid?
and then you sell them out on the radio?
after 10 years?
i'm supporting my team, but not this player ...

so much to say

and so little time ....
maybe tomorrow ....
so much going on ...
we took our engagement photos last week and i'm waiting for the proofs
we tasted lots of cakes and decided on our cake ...
4 tiers .... that's a lot!
we signed our papers! yay!
but wayyyyy scary ....
couldn't really concentrate while doing so ....
and joey was more than his quiet self
so scary ...
went to brenda's bday ...
we watched chuck liddel lose ...
had a bad case of stomach something ...
had a bbq at lola's ...
this week we have to finish planning our honeymoon ...
michelle's church ceremony and shower ...
lara's bday ...
figuring out invites ....
and the worst part ....
budgeting ....
why does it always have to come to budgeting????

what a weekend

Grish and Steph got married! yay!
and we put down our deposit! Ahhhh!!! i'll blog more about that one later...

didn't we almost have it all

what a title
this is the first time that i've watched grey's anatomy live in a long time
and every time i do, it makes me cry
and this one made me cry on all levels
geez ....
burke's vows made me cry
bailey not getting chief resident made me cry
izzie - george - callie thing made me cry
meredith - derek made me cry
everything made me cry
i'm a big cry baby
but that lexie grey is probably meredith's half-sister. that's my thinking.
but what about all the other characters?
did burke really leave?
where is george going to go?
what is bailey going to do not being chief resident?
so many questions ...
but i guess we'll see addison on private practice ....
and find out the rest next season
wow ... already season 4 next season ...

dead phone

i guess i should have let you guys know this before but my phone is / has been dead for a week.
i had to re-activate my other phone because my current phone cannot charge and my upgrade doesn't happen until october and my old chargeri can't find so i had to order but it still hasn't come in after a week. so if ur texting me, i'm not getting it. i do check my voicemail though but if i don't know ur number by heart, and u don't leave it, i won't be calling u back until i get my old charger back. if anything, call joey and hopefully he'll relay the message. all right. have a good one.

what a girl needs

so i couldn't sleep yesterday because those stupid policies kept bugging me
so i went to sleep at 11 and woke up at 1 and kept researching but i think i was still right
anyway, i've been sick lately and i was really sick on monday night that i had my own tissue box with me the whole night and finished it throughout my shift - it was the kind with lotion so my nose isn't too red
anyway, i was supposed to work extra tuesday night because we were short and we need the money but after monday's terrible experience i took myself off
when i talked to joey, he was very supportive and we went on a date - on a tuesday.
we went to outback for dinner - had some nice comfort food of cheddar fries, pasta and meat - and talked about his beloved Robert Horry getting suspended. then we walked over to the mall and did some shopping. we're looking for a new suit for him for michelle's wedding. and then we went to the movies. we watched fracture with anthony hopkins and ryan gosling - ryan gosling is sooooo hot. plus he has that southern twang. and he's a really good guy in the movie. anthony hopkins is very intelligent and the movie is very good. recommended. i had been venting and crying all day long and we were in the car and i said "thanks honey"
Joey: "for what"
me: for today
for listening to me tell the same story ten times
for letting me cry
for being you ...
joey: you needed it
me: i know i did and i appreciate you knowing that ... and then i started crying again ...
joey looks at me and i say
me: "don't worry, these are happy tears"
he smiles...
what more could a girl ask for?

i really hate

feeling dumb ...
and it bothers me that when given an answer they tell me "it's in the policy
so i looked up the policy and guess what? it's not in the policy!
arrrgggghhhh .....
really frustrating
my pt was on a temporary dialysis machine that we have to manage
a ventilator
2 drips (continuous IV's that we have to titrate) to keep his blood pressure up
one to control his heart rate
another for sedation
another for pain
another for clotting
another for his blood sugar
total parental nutrition and lipids
something to look at is heart fluid status
so there's 12 IV pumps in my room along with all of this other stuff
and i manage everything until 0500
then the one thing - the dialysis thing - clots off at 0500
and when the docs come in at 0630 that's the one thing they notice
not that everything else is stable
just that one thing made it seem like i did nothing the rest of the night ...
i hate it

defense mechannisms

i've seen them put up a lot lately - not only with myself but with other relationships around me.
sarcasm?
blame?
anger?
denial?
avoidance?
these are all the bad ways to deal with them and this is what i see.
i want to be able to have good coping mechanisms
acceptance
progression
and all that good stuff but it's so hard when i see so much of everything else
weird.

Happy Nurses Week

Make sure you wish all the nurses in your family

HAPPY NURSES WEEK!!!

Hosana

Pia made me cry at Mass yesterday. Choir was small - Jimmy, Fil, Gil, Jerome, Pia and I - and Annika too. But the Hosana in the Highest is my favorite Mass part because of the little solos that Pia /Dexie and Fil do that resonate and linger. The sounds are just so beautiful. And Saturday when I was standing next to Pia and heard her sing it - it was so beautiful in my ear. It made me realize that God has truly blessed me with His love and I see and hear Him through these people and their musical talents. And they will be there to sing that same Hosana at our wedding. and that day it will probably make me cry even more. I can't wait

it doesn't get old

with all the worries and all of the stresses in life right now, words that i never get tired of hearing

" i know it will be ok 'cuz we're in it together"
" i love you"

I'm thankful God has blessed me so much. There's a couple things that are happening right now that I don't fully understand and I know one day that I will. But God has blessed me thus far that I will indeed trust in Him.

quote of the day

"you are my penis fish"

Dr. Izzie Stevens
- Grey's Anatomy 4/26/07

getting back on track

ever since wed night when we withdrew care on my pt, i've been very doubtful of my nursing skills. is there something i could have done more? after he had died i was bawling like a baby. i was crying in the bathroom and joey called me and i told him what had happened. he asked "did you do anything that made him die?" i said "no" and he said that it wasn't my fault. and that's true. he had been sick for so long. anyway, monday night i had a neuro pt. neuro pts scare me because they can change so fast. he kept complaining of a headache and i called the dr to make sure because headahces are classic signs of increased intracranial pressure. doc said both his head scans were negative. i called him again to make sure 2 hours later and he said the same thing. i had given the pt vicodin and two doses of morphine within 3 hours and his headache still wasn't going away. and then he threw up. and then he felt much better. the rest of the night was pretty unveventful but more headache and i told the doc and he said they were ok with pain because he got whacked in the head. but everything else was normal. he was answering appropriately, moving all extremities, his pupils were reactive. even when the docs came in at 0630 their assessment was the same. and then when i came back last night they said at 0800 he became unarousable. they placed a drain in his head and sure enough there was fluid in his brain that needed to be drained - that was causing the headache. i knew there was something else wrong. so i asked my charge nurse and she asked if i documented everything and i had. we checked the neuro doc's assessment at 0630 and pt was fine at that point - his assessment was the same as mine. i gave report at 0715 and he was ok. so much can happen in that span of time. but it just made me doubt myself. the same doc that was there wed night to pull the vent on my pt had this pt this morning. he was so nice. he asked me how i was doing after that night because he saw me crying like a baby. it was very thoughtful and we kind of tried to figure out how we could have made it easier. he's a first year resident and he's learning well. he said "those 45 minutes are going to be instrumental in my career." me too.

Sukob

so I found this on someone else's blog. it didn't happen for them so I hope it doesn't happen for us either. Superstitions and faith just shouldn't mix. I truly believe that marriage is a triangle - our relationship, with God as the other point of our triangle. and we're working on it and it's been so beautiful to have him ask what time we're going to Mass and where and talk about what we've been praying about. I still want to watch the movie though ;p

anyway, here's what it means ...

http://aboutmyrecovery.com/2006/08/02/sukob-a-movie-about-superstition/

Sukob – a Superstitious Belief

No I haven’t watched Sukob but my daughter thinks it’s a more horrific film than The White Lady. Notice how the Philippine Movie industry is spewing Filipino film horror genre like its Asian counterparts? As the movie’s title (“Sukob”) states, the movie is about all the horrible things that happen when two siblings are married within the same year.
Well fellow bloggers, my sister B and I married on the same year, 1985. Another sister , M got hitched in 1986 and another sister, L in 1987. And guess what? We all encountered marital problems like most marriages. But how would I know it back then? The year 1985 was originally reserved for me. Oh yes, we had to book our wedding dates in advance as my father is overly superstitious. Dad was a typical traditional Filipino father. Also, we wanted to play it safe. M wanted to get married in 1985 as well but gave in to me because I was the older sister. Besides , Butch and I were already steadies for 7 years. M and her fiancee just met that year. M thought we should get the wedding date of May 1985. I had seniority and first priority. One day in October 1985, B suddenly announced her wedding plans for November 1985. M and I were furious.
How could you? Don’t you know one of us will have bad luck? I cried.
M protested “ I gave in to Noemi because I didn’t want both of us to be married the same year”
B argued “That’s just a superstition!”
Shock and disappointment was our initial reaction . B remained adamant. She pushed through with her wedding plans and got married in November 1985. My father forgot all about the superstition because he suffered a stroke a few days after my sister asked permission.
If B didn’t insist on marrying in 1985, her wedding date would have been slated for 1987. Imagine 2 more years. And L would have protested too. That’s what happens when there are 4 sisters in the family. How can one predict wedding dates anyway?
Twenty-one years later, my attitude towards superstitious beliefs changed. Superstitious beliefs are so negative and it means one does not even have faith in God. If one continues to foster negative vibes about marriage, then it will lead that way. I had to remove the “sukob” belief in order to lead a positive attitude of my married life. I have learned that a marriage is about imperfect people doing their best to nurture and minister in love. Caring, long-term commitment, integrity, togetherness and maintaining a positive focus are qualities of character that foster lasting love. God is also the center of our married life. He controls the details of our life and we lift our problems and plans to Him. Of course, I only knew this much later in life after much pain and trials.
Inspite of my initial disappointment, I learned to let it go. M forgot about it. May all the sisters in the world continue to live in love and understanding. Pooh “sukob”. It’s not true.

i love fedex

it's the one time that i enjoy waking up to the doorbell.
the first time was the friday before christmas when joey's PS3 arrived.
but then he saw the box that afternoon and ruined his surprise =(
then the fedex guy would wake me up with my various online wedding purchases.
still waiting for one of those to come on may 4
but this morning, the same morning that i was getting ready to go to the country registrar's office to get a birth certificate, good thing i was lollygagging - the fedex truck came with something from the department of the state
i got my passport from fedex - yay!

on a sadder note, i had to go through my first red packet on wed night / thurs morning. i hate working extra. it's a bad omen. it's always a harder day. my pt that i was praying for died. family decided to withdraw. and it was one of the saddest things to see. i was crying like a baby. but afterwards, he did look so peaceful. i'm glad you're now safe in His arms mr. s. all my prayers to your family.

this is simply ridiculous

seriously this is retarded. i've been on hold for 30 minutes to check on my passport status. and when i made the reservation for the cruise they said that starting in January we would have to get our passport going on the cruise. now it says that we only need it if we're traveling by air. the problem is that they would need to see our birth certificate. and in order to apply for a passport, they take your birth certificate. so i just got off the phone with the lady and she said that my passport is being processed in south carolina. she knows that i called last week but the only back up plan now is to go to the county clerk's office and to get a new birth certificate. all she can do now is call the agency in south carolina and tell them to hurry up. and that's all she can do. and to call back monday. ridiculous. seriously ridiculous. glad we got the insurance.

let us pray.

for all those that died at virginia tech yesterday. may they all rest in peace. who would have thunk that in blacksburg, virginia such a tragedy could occur? it's so sad. the poor victims and their poor families.
for all the dying in the world. there's one pt at work that is almost near death. they're waiting for his brother to fly in before they take him off the ventilator. he's been in and out of the hospital for two years. when i first met him last year, he was walking and talking and just a nice man. when he came in almost a month ago, he was septic and just plain sick. and now they've decided to make him a DNR. his family is so nice. they said they've been to several different hospithals but ours is the best. they said that the level of care he's received on our unit doesn't compare to other hospitals including UCLA. it made us all t to know we care and we appreciated it but all of our hearts sank when we found out they made him a DNR. he's such a nice man and young, only 55 with a loving wife and 3 kids.
please also pray for stroke victims. their lives are changed in an instant. ladies be careful with those birth control pills. those warnings are true. our pt is only 42 and had a stroke and they're assuming it's from prolonged birth control use. so please. watch yourselves.
and for the world in general. that there may be peace somewhere but most especially in our own lives and our own hearts.
in this we pray. Amen.

congratulations!

Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Mark Lombos!

i really hate

the post office. and this computer right now.
uhhhhh.
please pray i get my passport in time.
i just called because they said i have to wait until 2 weeks before departure before i can even call
so i called
waited for 15 minutes on the phone
the lady says that they are currently processing people that need their passports at the end of the week and next week.
she can't tell me the status of mine - all she knows is that it's being processed.
what's the point of telling people they can call 2 weeks ahead of time when you can't do anything about it?
and they need to educate the post office workers
if someone asks if they should expedite, tell them to.
don't tell them that they don't have to and then they have to go through this mess.
and when you tell the passport people that they said that it was all over the news and media and we should have listened. that's bull. they should re-inforce when we apply at the post office because they're a lot closer of resource than the damn media. i hate this. really i do. and i don't hate much.

a mike tyson inspiration

Jesus Christ by Brand New

Jesus Christ that’s a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone that could save
If they don't put me away
O' it'll be a miracle

Do you believe you're missing out?
That everything good is happening somewhere else
But with nobody in your bed
The night's hard to get through.

And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I won't know anyone.

Well Jesus Christ, I'm alone again.
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
Cause this problem's gonna last
More than the weekend.

Well Jesus Christ I'm not scared to die,
I'm a little bit scared of what comes after.
Do I get the gold chariot,
Do I float through the ceiling?


Do I divide and fall apart?
Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark
And this ship went down in sight of land.
And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands?


I know you’re coming in the night like a thief,
But I've had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I'm someone you can trust,
But I'm scared I'll get scared
and I swear I'll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a sign?
So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you’re coming for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails
we try n’ tear down hate and factory.
Yeah we all got wood and nails
don't tear down hate n' factory.
Yeah we all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine.

I don't know if these are the right words because when they were posted, they said that they weren't sure if they were the right words. anyway the lead singer of Brand New was on the radio trying to explain the song and he said that it was inspired by mike tyson. the lead singer had heard in interview of mike tyson and how people especially the media had portrayed him as a monster and mike tyson wondered how jesus would treat him if he was here today. would he befriend him and eat dinner with him like he was a normal person instead of the animal that the media thought he was? the lead singer got inspired and thought how would Jesus be if he came down now? Would we recognize him? Would he sit and have dinner with us? Are we worthy of his presence? I thought it was quite interesting and an appropriate release around Easter time. so He is Risen, Alleluia. Alleluia. Have a blessed Easter week!