quote of the day

"you are my penis fish"

Dr. Izzie Stevens
- Grey's Anatomy 4/26/07

getting back on track

ever since wed night when we withdrew care on my pt, i've been very doubtful of my nursing skills. is there something i could have done more? after he had died i was bawling like a baby. i was crying in the bathroom and joey called me and i told him what had happened. he asked "did you do anything that made him die?" i said "no" and he said that it wasn't my fault. and that's true. he had been sick for so long. anyway, monday night i had a neuro pt. neuro pts scare me because they can change so fast. he kept complaining of a headache and i called the dr to make sure because headahces are classic signs of increased intracranial pressure. doc said both his head scans were negative. i called him again to make sure 2 hours later and he said the same thing. i had given the pt vicodin and two doses of morphine within 3 hours and his headache still wasn't going away. and then he threw up. and then he felt much better. the rest of the night was pretty unveventful but more headache and i told the doc and he said they were ok with pain because he got whacked in the head. but everything else was normal. he was answering appropriately, moving all extremities, his pupils were reactive. even when the docs came in at 0630 their assessment was the same. and then when i came back last night they said at 0800 he became unarousable. they placed a drain in his head and sure enough there was fluid in his brain that needed to be drained - that was causing the headache. i knew there was something else wrong. so i asked my charge nurse and she asked if i documented everything and i had. we checked the neuro doc's assessment at 0630 and pt was fine at that point - his assessment was the same as mine. i gave report at 0715 and he was ok. so much can happen in that span of time. but it just made me doubt myself. the same doc that was there wed night to pull the vent on my pt had this pt this morning. he was so nice. he asked me how i was doing after that night because he saw me crying like a baby. it was very thoughtful and we kind of tried to figure out how we could have made it easier. he's a first year resident and he's learning well. he said "those 45 minutes are going to be instrumental in my career." me too.

Sukob

so I found this on someone else's blog. it didn't happen for them so I hope it doesn't happen for us either. Superstitions and faith just shouldn't mix. I truly believe that marriage is a triangle - our relationship, with God as the other point of our triangle. and we're working on it and it's been so beautiful to have him ask what time we're going to Mass and where and talk about what we've been praying about. I still want to watch the movie though ;p

anyway, here's what it means ...

http://aboutmyrecovery.com/2006/08/02/sukob-a-movie-about-superstition/

Sukob – a Superstitious Belief

No I haven’t watched Sukob but my daughter thinks it’s a more horrific film than The White Lady. Notice how the Philippine Movie industry is spewing Filipino film horror genre like its Asian counterparts? As the movie’s title (“Sukob”) states, the movie is about all the horrible things that happen when two siblings are married within the same year.
Well fellow bloggers, my sister B and I married on the same year, 1985. Another sister , M got hitched in 1986 and another sister, L in 1987. And guess what? We all encountered marital problems like most marriages. But how would I know it back then? The year 1985 was originally reserved for me. Oh yes, we had to book our wedding dates in advance as my father is overly superstitious. Dad was a typical traditional Filipino father. Also, we wanted to play it safe. M wanted to get married in 1985 as well but gave in to me because I was the older sister. Besides , Butch and I were already steadies for 7 years. M and her fiancee just met that year. M thought we should get the wedding date of May 1985. I had seniority and first priority. One day in October 1985, B suddenly announced her wedding plans for November 1985. M and I were furious.
How could you? Don’t you know one of us will have bad luck? I cried.
M protested “ I gave in to Noemi because I didn’t want both of us to be married the same year”
B argued “That’s just a superstition!”
Shock and disappointment was our initial reaction . B remained adamant. She pushed through with her wedding plans and got married in November 1985. My father forgot all about the superstition because he suffered a stroke a few days after my sister asked permission.
If B didn’t insist on marrying in 1985, her wedding date would have been slated for 1987. Imagine 2 more years. And L would have protested too. That’s what happens when there are 4 sisters in the family. How can one predict wedding dates anyway?
Twenty-one years later, my attitude towards superstitious beliefs changed. Superstitious beliefs are so negative and it means one does not even have faith in God. If one continues to foster negative vibes about marriage, then it will lead that way. I had to remove the “sukob” belief in order to lead a positive attitude of my married life. I have learned that a marriage is about imperfect people doing their best to nurture and minister in love. Caring, long-term commitment, integrity, togetherness and maintaining a positive focus are qualities of character that foster lasting love. God is also the center of our married life. He controls the details of our life and we lift our problems and plans to Him. Of course, I only knew this much later in life after much pain and trials.
Inspite of my initial disappointment, I learned to let it go. M forgot about it. May all the sisters in the world continue to live in love and understanding. Pooh “sukob”. It’s not true.

i love fedex

it's the one time that i enjoy waking up to the doorbell.
the first time was the friday before christmas when joey's PS3 arrived.
but then he saw the box that afternoon and ruined his surprise =(
then the fedex guy would wake me up with my various online wedding purchases.
still waiting for one of those to come on may 4
but this morning, the same morning that i was getting ready to go to the country registrar's office to get a birth certificate, good thing i was lollygagging - the fedex truck came with something from the department of the state
i got my passport from fedex - yay!

on a sadder note, i had to go through my first red packet on wed night / thurs morning. i hate working extra. it's a bad omen. it's always a harder day. my pt that i was praying for died. family decided to withdraw. and it was one of the saddest things to see. i was crying like a baby. but afterwards, he did look so peaceful. i'm glad you're now safe in His arms mr. s. all my prayers to your family.

this is simply ridiculous

seriously this is retarded. i've been on hold for 30 minutes to check on my passport status. and when i made the reservation for the cruise they said that starting in January we would have to get our passport going on the cruise. now it says that we only need it if we're traveling by air. the problem is that they would need to see our birth certificate. and in order to apply for a passport, they take your birth certificate. so i just got off the phone with the lady and she said that my passport is being processed in south carolina. she knows that i called last week but the only back up plan now is to go to the county clerk's office and to get a new birth certificate. all she can do now is call the agency in south carolina and tell them to hurry up. and that's all she can do. and to call back monday. ridiculous. seriously ridiculous. glad we got the insurance.

let us pray.

for all those that died at virginia tech yesterday. may they all rest in peace. who would have thunk that in blacksburg, virginia such a tragedy could occur? it's so sad. the poor victims and their poor families.
for all the dying in the world. there's one pt at work that is almost near death. they're waiting for his brother to fly in before they take him off the ventilator. he's been in and out of the hospital for two years. when i first met him last year, he was walking and talking and just a nice man. when he came in almost a month ago, he was septic and just plain sick. and now they've decided to make him a DNR. his family is so nice. they said they've been to several different hospithals but ours is the best. they said that the level of care he's received on our unit doesn't compare to other hospitals including UCLA. it made us all t to know we care and we appreciated it but all of our hearts sank when we found out they made him a DNR. he's such a nice man and young, only 55 with a loving wife and 3 kids.
please also pray for stroke victims. their lives are changed in an instant. ladies be careful with those birth control pills. those warnings are true. our pt is only 42 and had a stroke and they're assuming it's from prolonged birth control use. so please. watch yourselves.
and for the world in general. that there may be peace somewhere but most especially in our own lives and our own hearts.
in this we pray. Amen.

congratulations!

Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Mark Lombos!

i really hate

the post office. and this computer right now.
uhhhhh.
please pray i get my passport in time.
i just called because they said i have to wait until 2 weeks before departure before i can even call
so i called
waited for 15 minutes on the phone
the lady says that they are currently processing people that need their passports at the end of the week and next week.
she can't tell me the status of mine - all she knows is that it's being processed.
what's the point of telling people they can call 2 weeks ahead of time when you can't do anything about it?
and they need to educate the post office workers
if someone asks if they should expedite, tell them to.
don't tell them that they don't have to and then they have to go through this mess.
and when you tell the passport people that they said that it was all over the news and media and we should have listened. that's bull. they should re-inforce when we apply at the post office because they're a lot closer of resource than the damn media. i hate this. really i do. and i don't hate much.

a mike tyson inspiration

Jesus Christ by Brand New

Jesus Christ that’s a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone that could save
If they don't put me away
O' it'll be a miracle

Do you believe you're missing out?
That everything good is happening somewhere else
But with nobody in your bed
The night's hard to get through.

And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I won't know anyone.

Well Jesus Christ, I'm alone again.
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
Cause this problem's gonna last
More than the weekend.

Well Jesus Christ I'm not scared to die,
I'm a little bit scared of what comes after.
Do I get the gold chariot,
Do I float through the ceiling?


Do I divide and fall apart?
Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark
And this ship went down in sight of land.
And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands?


I know you’re coming in the night like a thief,
But I've had some time alone to hone my lying technique.
I know you think that I'm someone you can trust,
But I'm scared I'll get scared
and I swear I'll try to nail you back up.
So do you think that we could work out a sign?
So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try.
I know you’re coming for the people like me.
But we all got wood and nails
we try n’ tear down hate and factory.
Yeah we all got wood and nails
don't tear down hate n' factory.
Yeah we all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine.

I don't know if these are the right words because when they were posted, they said that they weren't sure if they were the right words. anyway the lead singer of Brand New was on the radio trying to explain the song and he said that it was inspired by mike tyson. the lead singer had heard in interview of mike tyson and how people especially the media had portrayed him as a monster and mike tyson wondered how jesus would treat him if he was here today. would he befriend him and eat dinner with him like he was a normal person instead of the animal that the media thought he was? the lead singer got inspired and thought how would Jesus be if he came down now? Would we recognize him? Would he sit and have dinner with us? Are we worthy of his presence? I thought it was quite interesting and an appropriate release around Easter time. so He is Risen, Alleluia. Alleluia. Have a blessed Easter week!

Welcome

Welcome to the world Baby Kimiko!
this is my friend Joey's baby - half Korean half Mexican
born in Hawaii on Wednesday, March 28th
8 pounds, 21 inches and cute as can be

little bits of happiness

i tried to post this thing yesterday but something happened. oh well. after a terrible saturday night / sunday morning, i am now on my third day off, ready to go back to work tomorrow and face it all over again. but before that happened, i had a few bits of happiness occur. Sunday was Palm Sunday and Joey and I met at St. Liz for Mass. you should have seen how diligently he worked on his little Palm cross - it was very good - he said it was in his top 2 for durability. I asked if it was the best and he wasn't sure but definitely in the top 2. and it made me happy to think how many more palm crosses he would make for me in our lifetime together. and then we went to on the border for dinner because we had free gift certificates from his work. on the border holds a special place in my heart because two years ago joey and i were at lunch at on the border and we were talking about tax returns and he very nonchalantly said that it would probably take him three good tax returns before he could get me the engagement ring i wanted. i was floored because he never even mentioned wanting to marry me before this point and here was talking about buying my ring. i loved that lunch and i'm still trying to get to like on the border - they're food is getting better though. anyway, we went home to watch the Laker game and amazing race and before Joey left my mom showed him my shoe closet and he says "so our spare room is going to be full of your shoes?" and it made me happy just to think about the spare room - that we still have yet to buy but will soon hopefully. anyway, little moments of happiness. yes it's cheesy, but come on, it's me. have a good day all!

chest tubes

i really hate chest tubes. they suck and i never want one. if anyone ever tells you that you need a chest tube, please ask them to give you A LOT of sedation as well as A LOT of pain medication. i had to help with a pigtail chest tube, granted this one was smaller but still the same thought - they have to stick a tube into someone's lung cavity to drain out fluid. so that was the first time. pt was ok and the drain was working but then his sats started to suck and we had to use the ambu bag to keep his sats up while they had to do another chest tube - the big nasty thick huge ones where they use the scalpel to cut them open then stick their finger in their chest wall to open it further so you see the flesh and the blood and the doctor is using his finger to pry it open and make the opening larger until he feels the gush and then sticks this hugeantic tube in his chest. and then when the patient still isn't breathing well, you have to call an airway emergency so they can put the patient on a ventilator! it sucked. last night was the cruelest april fools joke ever. anyway, at least i don't work til wed, or at least i'm not scheduled too. anyway, can you see why i don't like chest tubes? blah. so remember, ask for some dilaudid, fentanyl and most importantly, versed.

a wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime

this is the central theme of engagement encounter - how to focus on your relationship for your marriage rather than picking colors and arranging seats. and it makes a lot of sense. there's so many things to remember about this weekend but i think my fondest memory was something called the betrothal. one of the facilitating couples read theirs out loud to each other and to us and then we were supposed to write ours to our fiance. they played this song called "i will never be the same" and i wish i had heard who the artist was but i didn't. and the words were so perfect. i really am not going to be the same - i'm going to be mrs. joseph lopez - a wife, a lover, and a best friend. always. from this day forward. and it made me happy.
i told joey that before we met, i always had the same prayer - i asked the Lord for some direction in life - what did He want of me? what was my purpose? would i journey by myself? this was during the two years before i met him and i prayed about it all the time. and i really didn't know what i was doing in all walks of life - relationships, career, everything. and i told Joey that God gave me many blessings that year. I told him that I didn't think that it was coincidence that God gave my vocation for nursing at the exact time that we got together. So God gave me another vocation - to the married life - the same time that He gave me my vocation to be a nurse. He is a clever one. and through it all, we've grown and we continue to grow, not separately, but together. strength in unity, unity in faith. i use this a lot in a lot of my own talks and it's very true. i learned a lot this weekend and so did joey. we're both happy we went. it was so nice to see people two by two all weekend. everyone in couples introducing their fiances. so nice and so natural to all.
one of the other facilitating couples were named Kathie and Joe. and Joe's first story was about how it would take him 5 different alarm clocks for him to wake up and Kathie would still have to call and wake him up. and Kathie was a nurse too. later that weekend we asked Kathie if her name was Kathryn - and it was! so they were Katherine and Joseph and we were Kathryn and Joseph. They're our twins except fourty five years down the road! But if they can do it, so can we =)

an encounter

joey and i are going on our engagement encounter this weekend. he is so not excited. he looked up the website and there's these two guys sitting on the grass journaling. joey's not a journaler ;p anyway, keep us in ur prayers. i heard the food is decent and the scenery is beautiful. i'm looking forward to it. have a good weekend. there's so many things that are going on that i'm going to miss - how to days, frances's baby shower mark and audrey's wedding shower. who knew this date was so popular when i booked it in november? anyway, have a good time all.

happy bday Gomez

to my one and only priest godfather: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! please be nice during our wedding homiily because I'm really worried that you have too much inside information so BE NICE!

love your goddaughters and one godson

my image of today

this is my image of today.
sweet, innocent, and pure goodness.
this is baby lara if you haven't see her recently.
you have to smile.
she's too cute not to.
have a good day.
i'm going to bed.

crossroads, cocaine and nash

no i'm not at a crossroads and contemplating about cocaine. those were the encore songs that eric clapton played tonight at the concert. it wasn't until the last two songs did he play wonderful tonight and leila - the songs that i recognized. wonderful tonight is 100x better played by the one and only eric clapton. i kept telling joey that it must be nice to have talent - he makes it look so effortless. i got joey eric clapton tickets for valentines day and we saw him last night at staples center. i kept insisting to joey that i was the youngest asian person there - and i think i was! but it was worth it - he is an amazing artist! we saw paul mccartney last year and this year was eric clapton, maybe next year we'll see either tom petty or elton john. they are truly one of a kind.

on another note, i just watched the espn replay of the phoenix suns vs. dallas mavericks double ot game and it was awesome. i think besides kobe, steve nash is my favorite player in the league - he truly makes him team better, a facilitator. but if kobe had amare stoudamire, shawn marion and barbosa on his team like steve nash does, the lakers would be better too.

signs

so my parents took out all of the popcorn off the ceiling last week and in the process i had to pack all of my stuff away and i am now in the process of putting it all back. in the middle of my process, i came across a movie ticket stub for signs - remember with mel gibson and the aliens and the water? and all i remember is screaming in jerome's ear when the alien appeared in the background. and i laughed heartily then and i laughed heartily last night. it was funny. poor jerome.

the harvest

i missed the harvest by a couple of hours. it took a long time to crossmatch the blood on the heart - the person receiving had only been on the list for 57 minutes! so it took 6 hours to crossmatch his blood but he got the heart! if not, i would have been able to go down and see an organ harvest - how cool would that have been?

anyway, joey and i went to vegas for valentines day - we got a free room so we were like why not? we ate dinner at the trevi at ceasar's and then we went to the piano bar at harrah's. it was so much fun! alcohol and dueling pianos make for a cool combo! then on thursday we went to lunch with mina and got a couples massage to complete our valentines celebration. i love you bubba!

belated happy chinese new year! we're getting married in the year of the golden pig (or boar) - whatever. yay!

the gift of life

so i know that i want to be a donor - i even had the littl epink dot on my license. everone always says to take it off because they won't try to save you but they will do everything they can to save someone. but to give the gift of life - seriously - a heart, liver, two kidneys, pancreas, and possibly lungs is amazing. i wouldn't donate my corneas nor my skin - that would just freak me out. so to see people donate is really an amazing thing. and i'm back for one more night tonight to begin the process. wish me luck.